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Hyperdeath Not Mariohaven Bros. 666
What's up, man? I'm very upset. My friends don't like to call me that though because they think it's a bad name. But yeah, I'm very upset, because I just had the most terrifying experience of my life. It was so terrific that I'm going to tell you all about it. Never will my life ever be the same again. Not after writing this and playing that game. Believe it or not or believe it or not, I don't expect you to believe me, but believe it or not, you have to believe me because as I'm writing this now, you may not believe me. Believe it or not, I'm about to believe I'm going to begin. How do I begin... It was a dark drearily ominous somber dismally gloomy dark depressingly dark hauntingly dreadful eve's night. The dark gloomy dreadful dim shadowy dark sky was silently screaming into the dark; "..., ...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It suffered, in anguish torment pain as it scratched at itself with invisible hands, as the dark tears of small dogs bled from the dark storm clouds above, seeping into the dark soil of the gaia's dark essence. At this time, I was sitting in my room, sighing like usual because I'm 12 at night. Only at night though, during the day it's not 12 at night. There are times in my life where I wonder why people don't understand how good I am at writing things. This is one of those times, sighing and wishing that I didn't have such a somber gloomy. Doubting my faith in humanity for not recognizing my prowess; I continued to sigh 46.3 times within the span of a minute. I decided to get on the internet for some very hot and good debates. Why? Because everybody else who gives their opinion is automatically wrong, regardless of if they agree with me or not. I'm very good. Depressingly sighing, again, I opened up "chickenoregg.com" and sighed into the chat as ErectShadow3, ready to ass blast some dumb fucks with my deoxyribonucleic particle launcher (That's "knowledge" for those who lack a deoxyribonucleic particle launcher) ErectShadow3 has joined the chat porgamonfan10:did you guys ever see the dumb video LittleScree uploaded? mrslorgie:oh my GOD PLEASE no Nordgull:god fucking damnit porgamonfan10:what lmfao do you guys hate scree that much? porgamonfan10:oh lol mrslorgie:FUCKING LEAVE mrslorgie:i wish this chat had mods im so fuckin sick fo this garBoogy:slorgie ErectShadow3:Who's ready to get their anus salmons today?! porgamonfan10:LMFAO mrslorgie:please leave mrslorgie:all you ever do is say stupid shit ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? mrslorgie:and just perpetually ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? mrslorgie:constantly, do nothing but shit talk everybody else ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? mrslorgie:fucking stop porgamonfan10:LOL ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? porgamonfan10:yea dude i did it one time and a flame sword came out mrslorgie:dont fucking encourage him garBoogy:slorgie you can't win against him don't bother, just let him talk and forget about it brother Nordgull:you can't blame him ErectShadow3:That is in fact right, (not left) you cannot win objecting me. My arguments are always erect. ErectShadow3:Uhh porgamon I don't seem to rendesvous asking for your opposite of output Nordgull:you just asked everybody garBoogy has left the chat mrslorgie:i can't fucking deal with this i don't get how you guys do this mrslorgie has left the chat ErectShadow3:No I didn't lol ErectShadow3:I said "guys". If you responded that would imply that you are human which I know none of you are ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? Nordgull:no Nordgull has left the chat porgamonfan10:IM FUCKING DEAD DUDE OMG LMFAO Florgus has joined the chat porgamonfan10:so what have you found out dr erect? Florgus has left the chat ErectShadow3:What I found out was, porgamon is a dumb fuck and needs to stop trying to compete with my deoxyribonucleic particle launcher because his argument is garbage. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. porgamonfan10:im crying porgamonfan10:what the fuck is a deoxyribonucleic particle launcher ErectShadow3:bye better call mom dumb fuck stupid fuck fuck stupid porgamonfan10:sry i'll try better next time ErectShadow3:That's right, you are ungood. porgamonfan10:can i have my anus salmons now ErectShadow3:I must have desensitized your asshole, because you've already beened salm'd porgamonfan10:SALM'D chickenman has joined the chat ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? chickenman:oh fuck have to make a phone call chickenman has left the chat ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? ErectShadow3:So, have you guys ever grabbed an egg from the fridge and tried to hatch it? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Hello? ErectShadow3:Sigh. You guys are bad at this. Sigh. ErectShadow3:Sigh.... ErectShadow3:Sigh.. ErectShadow3:Sigh... porgamonfan10 is typing... Under the impression everybody was too stupid to keep up with my 3 iq I heavily sighed. Sigh. I then wrote the computer out of existance. The next thing I know, my friend Rick strikes and demolishes my front door with a rock, grasping my attention immediately; was the small corgi following behind him. Rick whispers from the other side of the room "Ê°áµ‰Ê¸ Ê²áµ’Ê°â¿ áµ’Ê³ áµ‡áµ’áµ‡ Ê·áµƒâ¿áµ— áµ—áµ’ áµ–Ë¡áµƒÊ¸ áµƒ á¶œáµ’áµ’Ë¡ â¿áµ‰Ê· áµ›á¶¦áµˆáµ‰áµ’ áµáµƒáµáµ‰ Ë¡áµ’Ë¡ Ê°áµƒÊ°áµƒ" in an attempt to not wake my parents or me up since I'm asleep inside. My parents came running down stairs wondering what the fucking fuck just happened. "What the fucking fuck just happened?" my mom irrelevantly bleated. Rick shushed my mom and told her that my parents are trying to sleep while reverse pickpocketing a lit smoke grenade into her pajama pocket. Deciding that everything was fine, my parents raced up the stairs as fast as they possibly could because they were very eager to get back to sleep. I heard a door upstairs shatter as my parents slammed their bedroom door, followed by two sounds of collapsing from what I assume was them jumping 4 feet into the air onto the bed. My parents get very sleepy sometimes. "HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed rick, shattering all the glass in the nearest 6 miles. "look i found this sick, cool, sick, dope, ass fuckin game its cool its called 'jumping bean sheep the game' lol it's kind of a platformer action driving rpg arcade style beat em up adventure action driving rpg suck em dry beat em off simulation you know what i don't really know what kind of game it is lol we can just play it" "Did you steal this game? where did you get this from wh" I asked, unsure of if Rick could keep up with my iq. "I GOT IT from my dad he runs a garage shop or somthing but my dad died 150 years ago and he had one eye or something and his garage said 'GameStop' on the front so i dont really know? my dad owns like 3 dogs so yea idk maybe he got it from one of them they really like to go on the internet and bitch all fucking day about nothing and act like its scary OOOo u played a video game called superdeath mariohell fuckbrothers wowwwwwww" Rick rambled, like a fucking moron, shattering all of my brain in the nearest 6 miles. I interjected; "Rick why the fuck are you constantly, CONSTANTLY, always being fucking stupid and jumping around like 'oh lets fucking ruin everything by being me, rick! i fucking suck and do nothing ever besides be rick!!" literally all the time? God i hate your dark depressing gloo "UVULA!!!!!!!!!" rick screamed, visibly and audibly wobbling his tongue up and down while pointing at the sky while repeatedly thrusting his arms one after another with his eyes reverse crossed. Pondering why I have such a shitty unempathetic asshole like rick as a friend, I decided to write him out of the story. I picked up the game. He called it Jumping Bean Sheep? That name sends beans down my spine. Since I don't trust rick with anything at all because he sucks, I decided to toss a coin. I tossed the coin. "Welp, that was fun." I said, walking away happy with my decision, and the coin on the floor. Delighted by the previous event, I thought about what to do next. I received a call from Rick on my Luigi cell phone. "im a luigi im numbera one!" screamed the luigi in fear at the top of his lungs as his eyes met with the screeching abomination demonspawn whom's bloody piercing gaze shattered the luigi's gloomy depressing soul as the demon's shout rang alongside the phone. That's a very good and cool cell phone I'm very happy that I bought it. I picked up the call and I could hear Rick quietly wobbling his tongue through the phone and faint whooshing noises. I had a heart attack. I thought I wrote rick out of this story? What the fuck is happening? Recovering from the heart attack, I hung up the phone and demolished it. Fuck. That. I then proceeded to depressingly mourn gloomily the dark loss of my very good and cool luigi cell phone. How did luigi get trapped in there? Will he ever get out now that I've destroyed his only escape? Will I ever escape? From rick? I don't know. Tell me in the comments below. After that, I needed some answers. I'm going to figure out who made this god damn bean sheep game and give him my mind for killing luigi. Thanks to Rick, I was forced to make my way down to the only glass store that was operational for 10 miles. I met up with one of the employees and he handed me a flash drive and began to speak to me, with crusty lips made out of what looked like breaded chicken. "Here, bownbloab your glass wib bis." he said. Staring at his shitty lips, I replied "God damn, do I have to buy you some lip balm?" out of habit and habit alone, wondering if the glass store employee had a deoxyribonucleic particle launcher. "what" the breaded chicken sandwich questioned in response to my offer. "What are you?" I asked, not only to the breaded chicken sandwich in front of me but also to my mind because I was confused as fuck at the fact there was now a breaded chicken sandwich in front of me. The breaded chicken sandwich began to extend his hand, and out of sheer reflex I did a 540 backflip onto the nearest shelf, killing the breaded chicken sandwich instantly. The shelf collapsed and I fell face first into a huge pile of fries. "What the fuck where am I?" I asked to the small corgi that followed me to the glass store "idk dude" replied the corgi, also unsure of what's going on. Getting myself together, I took a survey of my surroundings, and noticed everything was all menu items from McDonalds. God damnit. It looks like I jumped through a parallel capacitor time flux dimension portal again. For fuck sakes. You know that feeling when you just cant stop jumping through parallel capacitor time flux dimension portals? Oh who am I kidding, you wouldn't have the deoxyribonucleic particle launcher to empathize with me anyway. Exploring the disgusting abhorrent gross dark depressing gloomy dim dismal grease soaked environment, I had to think of a way out. The corgi following behind me seemed to desperately want my attention, as he had been rapidly flapping his tongue around. I asked him "God damn, do I need to buy you some lip balm?" out of habit yet again. The corgi explained to me "I've been here before." I did yet another 540 backflip in sheer reflexive shock learning this new revelation, only this time it was onto a piece of McDonalds Sausage-Egg McMuffin. "Explain." I said, my brain not able to keep up with my 3 iq. "As you may have noticed, the anomaly known as 'flash storage' has an odd effect on those who acquire it from people who sketch it up mad hard" The corgi rolled over onto his back and started doing that dumb back scratching thing that dogs do sometimes. "Not many have survived this anomaly, I am one of the only few to have done so. All instances of this anomaly are often reported of online, I have done so myself, and have used my death as a coverup to dissuade the dimension destroying abhorrent gloomy superior abyssal demons away from taking me." The corgi then began to lick his snout 400 times, and proceeded to explain the situation. "I haven't introduced myself. My name is Wigy. I am nine years old, and I am a gamer. I am just like you, very upset." Twisted now, was my perception of reality, since the flash drive said so. "What is the meaning of all this?" I asked, yet again unable to keep up with my 3 iq. "A very short, yet bulky garlic loving man once told me the answer to that question. It is no longer of importance. For now, shut the fuck up and continue listening." The corgi began flipping through a handbook, but realized that he can't actually flip through it because if he wanted to flip through a hand book he would need hands to do so. As an alternative, he strung the book up on a clothesline made out of onion, and then backflipped, phasing straight through the strung up hand book. "According to this hand book, I am a corgi, and as a result I cannot read. Can you assist me?" asked the struggling corgi, trying very hard to be a dog, you know when dogs? Get it? Get it? Get it? Get it? "I don't know." I screamed, annoyed. "This is a lot to take all at once." The corgi let out 46.3 sighs within the span of a minute, and reassured me. "I understand that there are over 30 pages in this book. Knowing such, I also understand that it is indeed a lot of book to take all at one time. But stop being such a fucking bitch for the love of god oh my fuck just pick the fucking book up" Astonished, now that I just realized that I'm talking to a talking corgi, my brain did a 540 backflip inside my head and I passed out. The corgi did that dumb fucking sigh that dogs do sometimes when they're half asleep and took me to a hospital in mcdonaldsland Coming back to not really reality, I was greeted by a burger and two boxes of mcnuggets. I did a 540 frontflip in reflex and paused, realizing that my startle reflex was off. "What the fuck did you do to me?" I angrily screamed angrily at the burger and the boxes of mcnuggets. "We had to replace parts of your nueral connections. I'm sorry, but now your brain is made up of 2% onion rings, 5% fries, 33% soft drink and 59% hamburger. The 1% is still the part of your brain that serves as the plot device to this story. We regret to inform you that your iq is now -3." explained the burger. "LITTLE DINGOR??!?!??!!" I uncontrollablly shouted like a dumb fuck. The two very sexy mcnugget nurses blushed and are anime. Wigy the corgi was asleep making very tiny snoring noises that broke the sound barrier sometimes, but not often. "Where are me placed?" I said, unaware of how stupid I and this plot sounded. "You are in MC." The burger responded. "mc what?" I said, unable to keep up with my -3 iq. "No, MC. As in Medical Care. Just kidding it's the mchospie." the asshole burger said. That joke almost killed me. I won't tell you whether it was metaphorical or not though. Pissed off, I angrily woke up wigy the corgi, who was now also angry at the burger. We angrily continued travelling, deciding to forego the hospital bill because it's the burgers fault that I almost died from that fucking awful joke. "Oh shit theres a portal" God said, as he wanted to progress the story, since he was also pissed off at the burger. Wigy and I angrily jumped in. We were back at the mcdonaldsland area except now it wasn't mcdonaldsland and instead was the glass store, but we were still fucking fuming from what just happened. Upon first glance, I noticed all the glass in the store was shattered. Rick must have existed again. For fuck sake. I teleported home with the new superior brain I've acquired and uploaded the glass into my home from the flash drive I got earlier. Three seconds before I uploaded the glass, all the glass I just uploaded to my home exploded accompanied by the faint sounds of tongue wobbling in the distance. Since digital files always expire after one use like they normally do, I was now shit out of luck and was going to be cold at 12 again. How am I supposed to sleep soundly while Rick exists? Wigy interjected my existance "Hey can we play that very sick, cool, sick, dope, ass fuckin game now? Last time I played a game I became unbored. That's not the state I am in right now, but rather it is the state I want to be in. So please end this state of being not unbored." Wigy stated, but not the kind of stated he wanted to be in right now. "Alright." I said, while saying alright at the same time. Continuing our very good and cool adventure, we decided to sit down and do nothing but play video games, therefore not actually continuing our very good and cool adventure. We proceeded to grab the flash drive and a digital camera, and use the flash drive's flash drive function to substitute as the flash feature for the digital camera. We captured the soul of jumping bean sheep's game cartridge and proceeded to play on the photo the digital camera produced. Suddenly, the jumping bean sheep himself jumped out of the fucking game console. "What the fucking fuck?" Wigy and I irrelevantly bleated, much like the newly spawned sheep. "aebauebaubababaee" it said, unable to keep up with it's own iq. Knowing that the sheep may not have a deoxyribonucleic particle launcher, I proceeded to create and give him one. He fucking shot me with it and I was launched 6 feet through the wall behind me, destroying my entire house. I got up after breaking my arm twice, as the floor was very hard to lift myself off of. I noticed that I was now a pirahna plant from Mario 64, after looking at my arms and legs, which I no longer had. "aebauebaubabABAEEE!!!!" the sheep screamed while bashing his 3 foot long tongue around, breaking even further what was left of my house until his tongue finally wrapped and tied itself around his head then banging it into his jaw and knocking him out. I could hear the tongue wobbling noises echo, breaking the sound barrier sometimes, but not often. It must have been rick that destroyed my house. Does he not understand how fiction works? Doesn't rick know how to write a cohesive story at all? A story that sticks and adheres to one plotline and makes sense, while keeping the dynamic of a regular blast resonance partitioning crucible? I really brandishing the conglomerate gluttonous placid flagellum. Fuck Rick, he sucks. My newfound flagellum allowed me to swim through the air again, just as I was able to before, but simply chose not to do. I didn't want to drown. Now, since I have no lungs, I don't have to worry about drowning. I swam over to wigy, who was now 49,000 feet in the air after being launched as his collision had clipped into the debris of my house. "Hey wigy what do we do now?" my stupid green polygonal mouth spewed. "We'll have to get that sheep to tell us who his dad is, so we can put an end to this." Wigy said, about to reach terminal velocity. "Put an end to what?" I asked, about to banned. "Yes." wigy explained, clearing up everything. After about 7 hours of doing nothing, we finally hit the ground and clipped through the floor, causing us to skyrocket 20,000 feet back into the air. God damnit. I opened up console commands and typed "reset", putting us back at the front door to my house. I knocked on the dust my door left behind after being destroyed twice. "ABEUEU??" yelled the still incapacitated sheep's fleas. "I'm coming in" I said. Not having any time to waste, I picked up all the door dust and shut it behind me. I very slowly walked over to the sheep, and shoved him into my inventory. Suddenly my entire body was covered in fucking unbearable pain as I was swarmed by fleas. Wigy wasn't having any of that shit so he pressed start and exited course. I screamed bloody murder as the immense terrible pain from the fleas slight itch seared through my body as they began to bite me. Never have I been in this much pain in my life. Tears began to stream from my eyes and I thought everything was over. I closed my eyes, prepared to leave this world, and move onto the next one. So I did. I'm now in the Sand Kingdom. I found wigy hanging out by the other real ass dog, who he was staring down. The real ass dog was doing real ass dumb shit like digging coins out of the floor instead of moons. For fuck sake, I just want this FUCKING MOON!!!!!! FUCKING DIG THE RIGHT THING UP YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! All that aside, I've never seen wigy so pissed off in my life, except now I have, making the previous statement invalid. Wigy annihilated the dog with his stand, Igy, who annihilated the dog with his stand, The Fool. "Man, holy shit wigy what the fuck" I said to him, unable to keep up with his iq. "lol" said wigy as he took a piss on the real ass dog, who was no longer a real ass dog, and by extension, didn't exist anymore. The sheep woke up finally and glitched out of my inventory like a dickhead. "God damnit" I said, very pissed off at the burger from before, and also the sheep. Wigy interjected. "hey do you know who your dad is" The sheep replied "LOL????" wigy frowned and summoned his other stand, Super Mario. "I need to know who your father is, and possibly where he is." "AYYYYYY!!!!" the sheep mistaked, while mistakenly finger gunning repeatedly at wigy like a douchebag. "That was a mistake. It's time for you to not do that again. Now tell me, where is your father?" Mario interjected, worried about the safety of the sheep, despite being wigy's stand and completely under the control of wigy. "he-a said-a over-a there-a" while pointing behind wigy at one of the Sand Kingdom's residents "You're the creator of this DICKHEAD!!!!!!!!!!?" I screamed, shattering all windows in the nearest 6 kingdoms, as well as the skull of the person i was talking to. "Yes" the head sack replied. "I've come here to give you my mind. I'm fucking sick of all this stupid bullshit happening, I didn't EARN these IQ points for nothing, thats why I play IQ Tennis, I play it to get IQ points. IQ Tennis is what you call debates on the internet, when you flex your 300 iq dick on the other 300 iq dick and wind up proving nothing to the other person until one of you quits out of anger. Then you've won and your life has more meaning than them." Wigy interjected "me too", dropping iq points like flies. "You know what wigy? I'm sick of your negative IQ. You're a fucking disgrace to chickenoregg.com and I bet every single person in there hates you. You really need to educate yourself on how to exist properly." I crouch down to the floor and put my hand just above the surface of the sand. "I've had it up to HERE with you, and everyone else's bullshit. So I'm done, goodbye everybody." I proceeded to hand my mind over to the person I was talking to like I was intending to, and stopped existing. Leaving nothing behind, the words of Very Upset vanished into thin air because they are physical objects. Very Upset left wigy and the douchebag sheep, who was continuing to finger gun at nothing the entire time. Very Upset was very upset at the world for not keeping up to speed with him. Of course, Wigy was left with fucking nothing, and none of his problems were solved as usual, as he sighed 46.3 times within the span of a minute. "Wow what a fucking waste of time why did I do any of this" Wigy bleated, this time, relevantly. Leaping through time space, Wigy moved onto another world, to create some other stupid garbage fire of a scenario in some other alternate universe. Written by ResonantWill Category:Originally on Trollpasta Wiki Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS Category:DIALOGUE! Category:Delusional retard that should be in an asylum Category:Excessive Profanity Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck Category:Mario